What's going on my SOC gang? First & foremost, I would love to wish everyone a Happy New Year & I can only hope 2008 can be a great one for everyone that is living & in the heavens. I have to say, my New Year's Resolution this year is to become less guarded. It's funny that I'm even making a NYR since I never seem to follow up on it (LOL) but I think this one is something that I NEED to do this year. Honestly, I've had a problem with trusting ANYONE in my life basically my entire life, just because I've been burned so much in the past. Whether it's relationships, friendships, my parents or my family, I got to a point where I just decided to only trust numero uno. Unfortunately, that can be a good thing but also a bad thing. Sometimes, you need time to yourself but you also don't want to end up lonely either. I'm not saying that I am lonely because I'm not but I've always had that fear of being lonely. It's not a good feeling because I've been there before & even though you sometimes say you need no one on your side, the fact of the matter is you do. Everyone needs some type of love, whether it's family or from a boyfriend or girlfriend. I grew up in a very bad environment & I've seen a lot of things in my life that has made me the man that I am today. Whether it's for the better or for the worse, that's for others to decide but for me, I think it's done both. I've grown up A LOT since then but I've also developed some bad habits. Yes, I know we are human & we all have flaws but mine seem to run deeper than some. I guess because of all that I've seen, I have this crazy dark side that eats at me from time to time. I'm still a good person but I do at times revert back to my old ways, which is not good.
But it's been awhile that I've posted a blog so I felt the time was now since I'm going through a lot of things right now. Right now, I just feel as if the walls are closing on to me at this very moment. Really to be honest, the holidays just isn't a good time for me. Around this time, I had a grandfather that died of a heart attack, a cousin that died of leukemia, a uncle that died of a drug overdose (which was something that I ended up witnessing sadly)& with my brother not being around for the first time for the Christmas/New Year's holidays, I'm never or not really in to cheery of a mood at this time of year. Thankfully, my new sister was able to take away that pain for the most part this year but there's still an emptiness that's there. & not only that, my sister got back together with her ex jerk of a boyfriend, I'm having some girl issues myself & with trying to do work & school, it's just feels as if the pressure is weighting down upon me. I'm not depressed or anything (it's hard to make me depressed at all) but it has been very trying as of late.
I just want to say to any of the fellow posters around that I'm sorry if my tone has sound very negative when I've been on. I don't mean to but it's just I'm going through things right now. Thats no excuse but I just would like to apologize.
So I hope everyone haves a great 2008 & thanks for letting me get some things off my chest.
Peace & love,
Greg
