I feel helpless. My aunt is in a coma, my other aunt had a heart attack. Work sucks. I have no friends. And I am emotionally and physically tired. Maybe I shouldn't complain about how much or more like how hard it is to live my live right now. It just hurts to breathe right now. I don't know what to do or say anymore. It's just been a hectic few days and I am totally lost right now. I have no sense of time. I haven't had a proper meal in days. This moment will pass, I just don't know when exactly. When will everything be normal again? Or will it ever be normal? So many questions, no answers. And then theres this guy..who is wonderful then theres another guy who isn't quite as wonderful. Which one do I choose? Or maybe I shouldn't choose either, b/c I don't think they make me happy. Sometimes..I wish my life was a soap opera. I wish someone else was making all the decisions for me, so I won't have to make them. Just give me the script. For the past 18 years, I have celebrated Christmas with my aunt. She always arrives at 10:30 am. Always. She brings the best dessert. And I love watching her open presents because she loves every single thing you get her, well at least she acts like she does. The doctors have been saying she is brain dead. She is not breathing on her own at all. She is on life support. It's just today, it finally hit. She won't be here this Christmas. I've had a lot of family members die. Most died before I was born, but in the past 5 years, 2 people have died that mean the world to me. One actually died 14 months ago. I'm still not over that and now I have to deal with this. This situation has reminded me of the whole Michael thing on General Hospital. Its just that my aunt won't go away to a hospital and come back 10 years older and better looking like he will, she will and is going to die..I mean she is dead. Brain dead. All we have to do is turn off those machines and the Dr. said in about 30 mins she will be dead. We just don't want to turn off the machines just yet. I guess we are waiting for our miracle or recast.
