Bad Writing @ soapcentral.com

I know I just wrote about how fed up I am with this whole Karpov storyline (and don't get me started on Sonny being all "Drugs! OMG!!! We may be mobsters who shoot people but DRUGS ARE TEH EVOL!!!!111"). I believe I said something along the lines of, "The only mobster I want to see coming to Port Charles is Lorenzo Alcazar returning from the dead."

 

And now there's the news that there's yet another mobster joining the show, and no, sadly, Ted King is not coming back. It's Vincent Pastore of the Sopranos! I'd say someone shoot me now, except with the current mob climate on GH, somebody just might take me up on that offer.

 

As if the "My Something" commercial wasn't annoying enough, now we're going to have to see this guy on a regular basis? *headdesk*

 

Oh, Bob Guza. If I wanted to watch the Sopranos, I'd rent the DVDs. How out of touch with your audience can you get? Oh, yeah, more mobsters and less Genie Francis (A few weeks of Laura is not enough!!!), that's what the viewers want... Grrr.

 

The only bright side to any of this is that Pastore is playing Max and Milo's father, which I can only hope means more screentime for Max.

So on today's GH we found out, after all that rigamarole, that Carly is not pregnant. Which, um, is good news, I guess, because that means that a) there's no chance it could be Sonny's, and b) we won't have to sit through Carlybabes pawning off another baby as Jason's, since it turned out so well the first time. This ending, however, left me with a severe feeling of WTF. Why would Guza and his minions put us through all that torture only for her to end up without a bun in the oven?

 

I had a strong feeling of WTF to begin with, when I first read about this new and original *insert eyeroll* storyline in Soap Opera Digest. I was beyond pissed off that they were going to copy the 1998 story. IMO, it totally erases any emotional growth Carly might have had after Michael's shooting, even more than the disastrous limo sex. Laura Wright is easily one of the best actresses in daytime, and I feel like every time they give her this same old crap, they're severely underusing her and limiting the potential she has to make Carly more than just a slutty, annoying, dumb bimbo. (And I don't say those negative words lightly, cuz I love me some Carly.)

 

I think one of the biggest things that pissed me off were the quotes from Bob Guza in SOD.

 

"A flummoxed Carly spontaneously spins the lie that she is pregnant, it's Jason who is the father. 'This is where it gets a little comedic,' grins Guza."

 

Comedic? After the gruesome deaths of Georgie and Emily, Michael's coma, and the loss of poor little baby Carjax, I always suspected that Guza found GH viewers' suffering comedic. How is this man still head writer? Grrrr.

 

Also?

 

"'This was not a coincidence,' explains Guza regarding this particular plot point. 'This was deliberate. It was an interesting excercise to see how the character has changed since then...'"

 

The hell? One, it's not interesting. And two, she hasn't changed at all since then, apparently, SINCE YOU ARE WRITING THE SAME FRICKING THING. *steam coming out of ears*

 

And now thanks to Sonny's big mouth Jax is suspicious that Carly slept with Sonny. If I were writing General Hospital, I would use this as an opportunity for Carly to tell Jax that she did, indeed, have dirty nasty unprotected limo sex with Sonny. I'm sure Jax would be pissed, and probably want to leave, but then they could talk it out (Couples therapy? Too bad Lainey's been taken off contract...) and eventually make the decision to stay together. I believe that they truly love each other, and while Carly's certainly flawed, Jax is no saint either. But of course I am not writing GH and I foresee Carly lying to him some more, followed by Carly and Jax breaking up and Carly and Sonny getting back together for the umpteenth time. Sickening.

 

As for the rest of today's episode... Jerry took my beautiful Johnny hostage, and when Johnny turned the tables and attacked that sick fuck I was really hoping that would be the end of Mr. Craig but, alas, no such luck. There was like thirty seconds of adorable Lucky & Sam interaction, and maybe, maybe, just possibly Robin might be going to come around to letting Patrick near her precious child, which is good, because she's been driving me crazy lately with the hypocrisy.

 

We had more of that obnoxious Dr. Matt Hunter, and so far I don't see what the big deal is. I know the actor was supposed to be part of some fabulous supercouple with Kirsten Storms on Days of Our Lives, but I just don't see the chemistry yet. He's just a boring Dr. Patrick Drake 2.0. Give me Spixie any day. I'm serious. Please, please give me Spixie. (Damn you, Guza, damn you.)

 

P.S.- Loved Jason today, and his "Next time leave me out of the tangled web that you weave, Carly." So true. Brought back some memories, though, as my dad used the tangled web quote a lot on me when I was in high school...

Oh Passions you have been cancelled again.  I remember when I first heard about you and was filled with anger and resentment that someone thought you would be more worthy of airtime than my beloved Another World.  But then came those promos with that unsettling brunette teen with an obsessive crush that overshadowed the unhealthiest and most embarrassing of my one-sided teen romances.  I just had to check out this crazy underdog whom I would come to know as Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald (among other things).  Though I tried to hold out I did eventually betray the memory of the Corys, Hudsons and the rest of Bay City and let my dial rest on NBC during the 2 pm timeslot I was sucked in by the two crazy, obsessive teen girls: Theresa and Kay.  I love a good soap opera scheme so I was more drawn to Kay's plotting than Theresa's bumbling (though she certainly caught on later).  For me you reached your heights with Deanna Wright as Kay dabbling in the dark arts and the Bennett's house being sucked into hell.  Once Kay was recast, watered down and back burnered I was less interested but didn't tune out.  Then came baby mayhem with Gwen and Theresa and I was interested but ultimately turned off of all characters involved and hoped desperately for a new direction in the story.  It didn't come and I my contempt for JER began to build.  There was always a hint that things were about to turn around.  Secrets would be revealed and characters and relationships would be changed forever.  And to a degree they did.  Eve's secrets exposed and the re-emergence of Evian love was quite a treat.  And though I loved Beth and was bored by SherSher it was time for Beth to be exposed.  But to my surprise the SLs that had room to move forward were dropped and the secrets that were long overdue for exposure were front and centre with no development.  Characters rehashed the same lines over and over and I became more and more familiar with the folks in Oakdale on the other channel.  Katherine and Martin came to town with promise of new storylines and secrets revealed but instead I was treated to rewrite after rewrite none of them making much sense and then all of them being swept under the rug.  Uh why did Martin leave town?  And I know soaps are notorious for timeline inconsistencies but KMART really screwed it up like I've never seen before and that was the real beginning of the end for me.  I couldn't make any sense of the show, I felt like what happened today would be rewritten tomorrow or next week and neither version would be the least bit entertaining or satisfying.  I held out hope for a while but have not enjoyed more than the occasional scene of Passions in a couple of years.  I'm glad that Passions is ending and even though it's foolish of me to hold out hope there is a remaining glimmer that since there is an end date that somehow JER will find a way to bring some kind of sensical closure to at least one or two of the SLs he has stretched way too thin over the years. 
Best of luck to the cast, crew and remaining fans may there be better shows in the future for all of you!